I'm Just Saying…

October 8, 2013

Things That Annoy Me

Filed under: Daily Life — jillamyrosenblatt @ 7:46 pm
Tags: , ,

Since the title of this essay is self-explanatory (and any further explanation would be…annoying) let’s get right to it, shall we? Today’s topic is communication. People who commit the following faux pas in conversation should stop immediately.

1. “It goes without saying”: Then why are you saying it? If you insist on saying what doesn’t need to be said it can only make you appear like a bloated, self-important blowhard or a sufferer of chronic short-term memory loss. Why else would you be repeating what is painfully evident to everyone else? If you don’t have the aforementioned medical condition, knock off this annoying behavior. Instead, remember the other maxim: “most things are better left unsaid.” So don’t say anything.

2. “Believe you me…”: Which is it? I can do one or the other. I think believing both of us is inadvisable, don’t you? Besides, I don’t like to spread myself too thin. That seems like an invitation to anarchy. For the record, I always believe myself but how do I know what YOU’VE been up to?

3. “I shouldn’t be telling you this..”: Then don’t. If you have to say “I shouldn’t be telling you this…” then “it goes without saying” you shouldn’t be telling me this. You see how quickly the situation deteriorates?

4. “Excuse my French…”: Why? You’re not speaking French. You’re speaking English. Specifically, you’re speaking obscenities in English. If you were speaking obscenities in French, they would sound melodic and pleasing, tripping smoothly off your tongue. Going forward, please adjust your &%# language accordingly with an appropriate phrase such as “Excuse my foul mouthed English.” Thank you.

5. “I think we can all agree..”: How do you know that? Do you know what I’m thinking? I resent people assuming they know how I feel. Maybe I don’t want to agree. Maybe I want to remain stubbornly opposed. Maybe I want to break out into a Groucho Marx impersonation and belt out the song “I’m Against It.” In fairness, I’m willing to consider your request for agreement but I’m going to need your proposal in writing. You’ll have my answer in 7-10 business days. Some people… really… UN-believable.

AND FINALLY…

“I’m just saying…” Yes, yes I am. That is evident to everyone. Yet, we still say “I’m just saying…” after we’ve said it. Which is unnecessary… because… it goes without saying… that I just said whatever I said.

I’m just saying.

On second thought, do whatever you want.

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