I'm Just Saying…

December 28, 2012

So This is Goodbye: The Holiday Edition

The holiday season is a time to celebrate family, togetherness, and relationships. Festivities include gift giving, holiday partying, and generous amounts of snogging, with or without mistletoe. This time of year also brings something else you won’t find under the tree: breakups. Google “breaking up at the holidays” and you will receive a cornucopia of results from “Should you or shouldn’t you?” to “What to do if it happens to you.”

As the New Year approaches, undoubtedly there are people out there feeling the sting of the pre- or post holiday “It’s not you it’s me” kiss off. I’m here to help. If your life of “reservation for two” has suddenly become “soup for one,” here’s some advice to keep handy:

1. Do Not Get Right Back on the Horse: Friends and family may already be scouring the internet dating sights for you, pestering you with a chorus of “Oh, wait, what about this one?” Tell these Quick Draw McGraw’s to back it up and give you some space. At the moment, your life feels like Swiss cheese, your daily routines filled with gaping holes where your significant other used to be. You need to figure out how to be solo again before diving back into the deep end. This is the time to return to your hobbies, plan some New Year’s resolutions, rediscover your own life. I say this because right now, you’re probably fighting the all powerful urge to “get in touch” with the recently departed, which leads me to…

2. Go Dark: Now listen to me. Turn off the phone/computer/Blackberry/iPhone/iPad. The best advice I ever received post breakup was “whatever you do, do NOT email or text him.” The feeling kicks in within the first twenty-four hours, that insatiable need to keep alive what flatlined before your eyes. Put the pads down. Do not yell CLEAR! In short, sign the DNR and let it go. A note of caution: the urge to reconnect comes in waves, so be on the lookout.

3. Go Lo or No Carb: Chocolate and ice cream are the usual post breakup menu but why not be a rebel? I detoxed with a raisin/walnut combo accented with oranges and grapefruits. I was alone but I reduced my cholesterol and dropped five pounds. Who says the glass isn’t half full?

4. You’re a Social Pariah: You may find yourself annoyed when no one asks “How are you?” This is normal. Your family cares but they can’t do anything for you. To complicate matters, if they bash your ex and you do eventually reconcile, they’re screwed. I should also mention that being on the receiving end of your post breakup bitchiness gets old fast. Be assured your friends do love you but your breakup creates bad karma. In layman’s terms, you’re a downer right now, and their life is so much better than yours. Someone had to tell you. I’m just saying.

Whether it’s your first or fifth time around the breakup block, the nagging fear “What if I don’t meet someone else? Ever!” is always par for the course. Take charge and tell your negative self-talk to take five. It’s more probable that you will meet someone new, in the right place, at the right time. So here’s my last piece of advice: try to celebrate this New Year’s Eve. A new year means new possibilities for good things to happen. It will get better. In the meantime, try out a new hairstyle, take a yoga class, or start that novel you’ve always wanted to write. The rest will take care of itself.


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